Ramblings

I don't have material right now. I don't have quirky pics or random thoughts. But there is something that's bothering me. There's something I've been dealing with. I won't go into much detail but I'll try and grasp the gist of my thinking.

I'm tired. I'm ready to throw in the towel. I thought, fifteen months ago, I had completed the toughest obstacle I had to go through. I now find that I never even started the journey. It feels like I've been taking one step forward but then jumping three steps back. I know it's late for New Year's resolutions but what about just plain ol' resolutions? I'm sure they're allowed...so here are a couple I am seriously going to work on:

1. I'm going to do all that has to be done to ensure my daughter's safety. No, I sure as hell don't neglect her at all. I take very good care of my lil girl but there are other factors involved. I won't go into much detail but I will take all measures necessary so that I won't ever fall into the predicament I am in now. This too shall pass....

2. I will grow a backbone. There's so many reasons as to why I am the person I am today. Many would describe me as sarcastic, mean, dry, etc etc. In reality, most of them know that's absolutely not true. I let myself accept things that are not good for me. I don't put the blame on anyone but myself but it's about damn time I stop being so stupid. Yes, I am too freakin nice and I give too much of a crap for people that could care less about me. I believe in the whole 'what goes around, comes around' theory and I've seen it at it's best so I'm just gonna let them get theirs. I'm not gonna stand for that anymore. I don't need people like that.

3. I'll take every obstacle as a learning experience. Life never turns out the way I plan. Something can go right in one area and in another it can all go to hell. Usually, my first reaction is to freak out and ask 'why the hell me'. Well, why the hell not me? Lately, I've had a couple of thousand things on my plate and I haven't crumbled yet. Sure, it's still early in the process but I know I can handle it. 'Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger" and I'm still here, aren't I? The difficulties we face are the ones that eventually show us who we really are and what we're capable of. I just have to remind myself of that...

Truth is, there's so many things I haven't been wanting to face because it'll distort the life I've been living. It'll create chaos for a couple of days, perhaps weeks, maybe even months...heaven forbid, years. Aaah, I'm up for the challenge. I have a weird feeling that all will eventually fall into place, the way it should have been for sometime. I can, at least, hope.