Rotas

A whole bunch of songs have special significance to me. I heard this particular song back in the summer of 2005. I had just started dating the ex and I was in the valley visiting. We had very different tastes in music but I was willing to give his choices a chance. During that visit, he put in a CD that had this song. For some reason or another, I liked the tune. To be honest, I never really paid much attention to the lyrics. 

When I let him know how much I liked the song, he gave me the CD. I listened to the song over and over and over...on the drive back to Laredo, drive to work, school...all the time. I loved the song because it reminded me of him. And I was so in love back then. Then when the blinders finally fell off, the song carried a whole different meaning. Then that's when I paid attention to the lyrics, and I realized just how close to home they hit. 

When I moved back home and after all the dust had finally settled, I started burning CDs. When making a list of songs, this one was number one. I wondered whether I could hear the song without falling apart; I found out that after a month, I wasn't quite there yet. 

Fast forward to two years later. I hear the song on a weekly basis, and it's always played twice in a row. Perhaps maybe even three times. The affection that was there at the beginning is gone. The hate that was there at the end has faded. The only real feeling that lingers is a certain kind of sadness. A sadness unlike any I've ever felt before...one that carries a sweetness to it.  

When forgiveness is finally embraced, all the pain that existed subsides and the good memories are the only ones that really linger. I guess that's why I continue to hear this song; because in the midst of all that happened, there was something there in the first place. At the base of it all, there actually existed love.