Eve of Change

Ok, so obviously I lied. I just haven't made the effort to sit down and write.

The blog started as my therapy. As a way to help me deal and internalize what I went through in my previous relationship. Because, basically, that was the bottom line: I hadn't been able to deal with and comprehend what I had gone through with my ex. Now, though, I'm at a much better place in my life. I'll go into a bit more detail at another time but for now, on this eve of change, I find myself nervous.

Sunday nights are always a bit tricky for me. After having a break during the weekend, the upcoming work week isn't always an exciting thing to look forward to. But tonight, of all nights, I'm nervous due to another very nerve-racking reason: my baby starts her first day of school tomorrow.

Yup, it's that moment that all parents fear. It's the beginning of my baby's independence, of her exposure to the outside world. Sure, she's been in daycare for awhile already but school's different. I'd prefer her to stay in daycare till she was eighteen...but I know that's impossible.

So, months ago, I started preparing her. Letting her know that she was going to be heading to the 'big school' now. We went to buy her uniforms. I let her choose her shoes. I let her help me gather her school supplies. She picked the pinkest backpack. I, along with several family members, talked to her about strangers and inappropriate touching. I kept on reminding her that she would be attending 'real' school now. I took her to meet her new teacher. And all the while, my heart was beating at a million miles per hour. My lil girl was going to start her adventure into the world, and I know the journey would get rough one day.

Then tonight, as I put her to sleep earlier than usual, I spoke to her about how she would have to get up early. I let her know that the school now had a bell system and she couldn't be late. I told her about the other children that would be crying. She turned to me and asked, "Why would they be crying, Mommy?" I explained to her that these children weren't used to being away from their mommies and they would be scared. She then asked whether she had to cry too. I told her that she didn't, that perhaps she could show them that there was nothing to be scared about. I let her know that I would be picking her up after school but also reminded her that the following week she would be going to the after school daycare. All this she listened to intently and then said, "Ok, Mommy. Good night. I love you," then turned around and fell fast asleep. As I lay there, again my heart pounding away, I realized that my kiddo was more ready for school than I was.

And that is why I'm here now. Because I can't sleep. Because I work in a job where I get glimpses as to what  can happen in schools. Because I know that the youth aren't as naive and innocent as they were years and years back. But it's a passage of life and I'm gonna be there right next to my baby helping her as much as I possibly can.

We all have to grow up at some point or another. And just like my mother did when I was a kid, I'm gonna take my lil girl to her first day of school and smile as brightly as I can and let her know that I love her and give her my blessing. Then I'll go back to my car and cry my eyes out on my way to work.

But that's the way it works. She's gonna be just fine, as so will I.

it's amazing how fast time flies by

Aqui Toy!!

I'm still here, people. Give me a couple of days and I'll let you know what I've been up to.

Till then, take care. I'll be in touch.

The Outhouse

I've never been to the Tremenda restaurant on San Bernardo. It's not that I'm not interested in visiting the place, it's just that I haven't made it a point to stop by. After I received this pic, though, a pit-stop at the eatery is on my to-do list.

This is their restroom....

Pipis Room

It's as simple as you can get.

I love it!

Career Change

A couple of weeks ago, I let you guys know that I was searching for another job....in case the one where I'm at now disappears with the dwindling federal budget.

I figured, since drive-thrus are all the rage right now, I might be hitting up one of those establishments for a job.

But I wouldn't be comfortable working within Laredo city limits. It's not that I know a lot of people, well I don't know them but they know me, so I'm hightailing it to the south....no, not south Laredo, farther south.

I'm gonna put an app at this joint.

Rio Bravo is where it's at, baby!

See-Saws in the Barrio

A fun way to spend a lazy Sunday afternoon. Now we all know what we can do with all those tires littering our fair city....

Los Lamerssssss!!!!!

Ya tan ready???  Games are supposed to start next week...

Quien invita?!!!

El Caminito

We'd wake up in the morning, in our three-room home. More often than not, especially during the summers, the windows would be open by the time we'd wake up. We'd stretch and yawn on our full-size beds...that were usually shared with two or three other people. Our bare feet would touch the floor, our linoleum covered pisos, and we'd rush off in search of Mom and her scrumptious homemade flour tortillas.

She's usually let us sit in front of our 24" TV (this was in '87) and we'd catch the morning cartoons. After the tacos of frijol con chorizo, without bathing or combing our hair, we'd rush out the back door; before Mom could throw us in the shower. We'd run, barefoot, down this lil passage way. It connected our lot with my grandmother's property and we'd run over and paste our faces on her kitchen screen door and shout, "Hi, Grandma!!!!"

When I was a kid, I ran this caminito at least seven times a day. Most of the time it was more, way more. One of my uncles would make fun of us, saying that every morning, he could hear us scurrying over to Grandma's house.

It was those times when Dad would sweep the dirt in order to set up the battleground for carnica wars. Those times when we'd play with dirt just cuz we had nothing else to do...but we were never bored. Those days when shoes were really only necessary for school and unpaved roads didn't stop our endless games of freeze tag. Those days when laughter was sincere and genuine and bitterness was still a worlds away.

If only the passageway could be like a time machine, and take us back to the days when having dirt in between ur toes wasn't gross or annoying. I guess the passageway still serves as some sort of time machine, even if it's only in my mind.

Y al Fin......

The newest bumper sticker my car's sportin'....gotta keep it real.

I made it! 30 posts in April! Thanks to all those who tuned in. 

I'll try to work on bringing in posts on a pretty regular basis...remember, I said try. 

Pictures

My daughter and I have started a lil tradition, one of the few that we have.

See, we visit the mall on some occasions to hit the indoor park. Shopping at the mall is a 'yea right' kinda deal for us, but we like to go and just hang out. Back in Feb of 2010, we were already walking out of the mall when my lil girl ran towards a photo booth. We ended up taking our picture; which ended up being the first of many.

the pic's taken like that for a reason...yes, I kinda know how to work a camera

It's fun to see the transformation in myself and how much my daughter's grown. For 3 bucks, the pics aren't bad at all and making my daughter smile, well, I'd pretty much pay anything for that. 

Haven't Found.....

A couple of months ago, I felt like I was ready. I felt like there was a renewed interest in finding a partner. I felt like the time had arrived to finally open up the opportunity to build a relationship with someone. Pos que creen?

Before I jump to the end of my story and tell you what I found, I figured I’d share a lil about the quest to my ending. I’ve never been the life of the party and meeting potential boyfriends have always been somewhat of a problem. I’m too reserved for my own good, well at least at the beginning I am, but that first impression really scares off a lot of guys. I decided on a different route: eHarmony.

Mmm hmmm. You read that right. I really put a lot of thought into taking that step to actually pay to find myself a match. And right after I clicked on that button that started my subscription, I regretted it. Somehow, deep in my gut, I knew I wasn’t going to be putting that much effort into getting to know the men on there. Every morning, I’d wake up to seven new matches. I’d scroll thru their profiles, reading up on their lives. I can’t say that any of them interested me all that much. I never initiated any type of communication with any of them, and when they did request communication, I’d constantly put it off, thinking I’d get to it later. Well, that supposed later never arrived.

My subscription ended and I didn’t bother to renew. What did I learn? One: I paid that money for nothing. Two: I’m not ready to find a partner. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been dating but to say that I’ve met someone who’s really captured my attention….I can’t say that. It’s not to say that I haven’t met men who are worth it; I’ve actually met some great men, but my heart’s not in it. I can honestly be pretty cold and distant with them…and it’s not to say that I feel bad about that.

So, in conclusion, I am still single and it’s due to it being my choice. I’ve made progress in these last two years but I’ve still got work to do.  But, deep down inside, I feel like everything will fall into place when I finally meet a guy that’s made for me. Yea, yea, sounds kinda sappy but it’s what I believe.

Until then, my adventures in the dating world will only serve as material for either a lesson learned or an interesting post.  Whichever of the two, I’ll be sure to let u know…whether you wanna know or not.

J

Neighborhood Store

Since I can remember, my barrio has had Mama Luz. It has saved us from having to take trips to the local Super S and Circle K for our munchies. But what makes Mama Luz special is that it offers so much more than just Cheetos and cokes.

Before I go on and on, I only included one pic of the store for a reason. I wanted to take pics of the inside but I'm sure the store owners would feel uncomfortable. The neighborhood's kinda changed and I'm sure they're weary of visitors coming in with cameras. Making them uncomfortable is also the last I'd wanna do. The owners have known my family for yeeaaars. They know each and every one of us. I'm not exaggerating when I say that my youngest brother probably walks to the store at least once a day. 

Back in the day I, along with the primos, would walk on over with 27 cents in their pockets to pick up a Continental Cola. It was the only thing that would quench our thirst after a basketball game at the Leyendecker playground. There were plenty of times when I'd walk those cement floors barefoot, marveling at how cold the floor was even in the middle of the swealtering summer heat. 

When were kids, the store's snacks called our names. As adults, it was everything else that we needed that called our attention. There's a wall inside the store that looks like it belongs at Dr. Ike's. If there's ever been a need for nails, screws, electrical fixings, plumbing materials, and other stuff like that, we've managed to find it there. It's also been our emergency pit stop for diapers, wipes, baby food, and I think I even found a deodorant there at some point.

The store's been there for over twenty years. The name comes from one of the owner's mother. I love the place, not only cuz it's close by, but cuz we have a history. Forget that the prices are kinda expensive (le da competition a Super S) but that's forgiven because of the smile and greeting we receive when we walk in.

For those who are on the west side and wanna stop for a soda, visit Mama Luz. But fyi, the cokes aren't 27 cents anymore. 

Rotas

A whole bunch of songs have special significance to me. I heard this particular song back in the summer of 2005. I had just started dating the ex and I was in the valley visiting. We had very different tastes in music but I was willing to give his choices a chance. During that visit, he put in a CD that had this song. For some reason or another, I liked the tune. To be honest, I never really paid much attention to the lyrics. 

When I let him know how much I liked the song, he gave me the CD. I listened to the song over and over and over...on the drive back to Laredo, drive to work, school...all the time. I loved the song because it reminded me of him. And I was so in love back then. Then when the blinders finally fell off, the song carried a whole different meaning. Then that's when I paid attention to the lyrics, and I realized just how close to home they hit. 

When I moved back home and after all the dust had finally settled, I started burning CDs. When making a list of songs, this one was number one. I wondered whether I could hear the song without falling apart; I found out that after a month, I wasn't quite there yet. 

Fast forward to two years later. I hear the song on a weekly basis, and it's always played twice in a row. Perhaps maybe even three times. The affection that was there at the beginning is gone. The hate that was there at the end has faded. The only real feeling that lingers is a certain kind of sadness. A sadness unlike any I've ever felt before...one that carries a sweetness to it.  

When forgiveness is finally embraced, all the pain that existed subsides and the good memories are the only ones that really linger. I guess that's why I continue to hear this song; because in the midst of all that happened, there was something there in the first place. At the base of it all, there actually existed love. 

GENOCIDE!!!!!

The LWA's having a match this coming weekend. Since I've started going to the events, which has been a lil under a year, the matches have gotten better and better. I've followed my brother all over the place: from Mami Chula's to Zapata to the Menudo Bowl to Rio Grande City to the firefighter's union hall...I'm his number one fan. 

Here's a video of his latest match. I'm so darn proud of him. 

All the wrestlers in the LWA are cool and work hard but of course my lil brother's my fav.

He's freakin awesome!

Part-Time Job

I've been thinking of ways making a lil extra cash. I was thinking of something fun and interesting. I thought of making joyeria but I'm not creative. I'd probably end up making the same thing over and over. I thought of perhaps those makeup catalogs that everyone seems to be selling. But, nah, didn't really catch my attention.

Then I thought of this.....

What do ya'll think? I'll be booking demonstrations soon...let me know!

BTW, I'm just kidding.....ya sabras.

I totally suck at selling stuff so I wouldn't be making any money offa that.

I guess it's back to the drawing board. Ideas are more than welcome.

Song of the Week

I swear I'm not crazy....

One day I'll be back to normal. But what's normal anyways?