It’s crazy how those words would’ve meant something a couple of months ago. A couple of months ago, they would’ve made my heart skip a couple of beats. A couple of months they would’ve made my freakin’ day. Today…they just made me smirk a little. It wasn’t a smile. It was a slight tilt of my mouth and it brought about a sigh…if only it had been a couple of months ago. I don’t really spend time thinking about that part of my life. I used to…a lot actually. There wasn’t a day that it wouldn’t cross my mind. There wasn’t a second that I breathed and it didn’t hurt. I carried around a lot of hurt, resentment, regret, and a huge load of anger. It wasn’t such a nice purse to tote around. Until today, I didn’t realize how I had lost that bag some time ago. I didn’t know I had made such progress…until I heard those words today. “Todavia te amo”…I didn’t feel anything but a sad twang where my heart used to be. Apparently, I came to find today, I guess I put my heart into that same purse that I lost a while ago. Now I’m just void of emotions. It works for me. Nothing really bothers me or hurts me. People tell me things and open up to me and I can scrape up some sense of empathy but really when they’re done speaking, it all goes out the window for me. I’m not a bad person; it’s just what’s been working for me right now. I know eventually I’ll hit a wall and I’ll be forced to face it all. I guess that’s the day when I’ll visit a counselor…to help me ‘evaluate’ my life. Sure, I’m alright with that…when the day arrives. As for today and those words, it’s too little too late. I don’t know what reaction he expected. Maybe for me to swoon and gush over how I still loved him too and missed him a lot. Yea, that’s not true and it’s not happening. There are some messes that are just too big to sweep under the rug. Oh well…maybe that purse went to join my three suitcases; I bet they’re having a blast…at least someone is.
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