Dad's Teachings

My sister-in-law, my father, and I were recently sitting in the family room watching TV. Some commercial about a beauty product came on. My sis and I didn't say anything because we knew better. Sure enough, he comes up with, "Women bring about their own failure." I smile and look at my sis and sure enough she's wearing the same amused expression as mine. Just to humor my dad, I asked him what he meant by that comment. His rant went something like this:

    

     Women no longer value themselves as unique individuals but want to fit into societal norms. Beauty is not what is shown on the outside but what's held within. Women have lost touch with who they are and now prefer to go on with what everyone says is beautiful. There's so many women (he almost pointed at us) that spend so much money buying products to look younger but that will never make them happy. Women try hard to make themselves look attractive but at the end of the day, end up feeling worse because they will never be able to be what everyone expects them to be.

My sis and I listen intently to his speech until finally he gets up and goes to the kitchen. Then my sis and I burst out laughing. I love my father but he was made for another time period. I am his one and only daughter and I've heard the 'beauty comes from the inside' lecture most of my life. He means well, I can respect that, but times have changed and it's not so simple to go around being au natural. My sisters-in-law have gotten used to it by now. But I know I'm not buying into the beauty hype. I am my own person.

Nope, no beauty-hype-buying here. 



Just Another Day in Laredo

Whenever I see other sites with pictures about random things they run into in our amazing city, I feel a tinge of jealously because I rarely, if ever, pay close attention to what I'm surrounded by. I'm usually occupied with other issues and often don't see any of the interesting quirks that are presented to us in everyday life. Except for today. Today was finally my day. While I was shopping at a local retail store, I was in my car getting ready to take off to my other destination, when I noticed a group of guys gather outside of the store. As first I thought they were tourists taking pics of the store (which was weird already) but then I saw the guy that was going to be photographed start opening his shirt and unbuckling his pants. Well, I'm no voyeur so I turned away in order to give him some privacy...but I couldn't help a second glance. I dunno what was the purpose of the 'shoot' but it was damn entertaining. Just goes to show that I have to take a look around every once in a while, I never know what I'm gonna see.

I'm all for artistic expression....pero esto?

Ah si, while this was going on, a black truck passed by. I wouldn't have given this truck a second glance except it had white wording on his driver side window and back window. I say 'his' because the lettering on the driver side window said "BIG DICK" with a circle on the window. The back window stated "HONK IF YOU WANT MY DICK ALL NIGHT LONG". I'm guessing it was one of two things: a birthday joke for the driver or he got involved with the wrong girl. Either way, I hate myself for not grabbing my camera quick enough to snap a pic but sometimes the imagination is better. So imagine away...te digo, it's never boring in Laredo.

Daily Living

"I just don't understand why it has to be that way," she sighed while completing her paperwork.

"I don't know but that's the way it is. C'est la vie," I replied while settling into one of her office chairs.

"What?! A quien se la viste!!!" She turned to look at me with complete shock in her eyes.

"What? What do u mean?" I replied, thinking that maybe she had finally snapped.

"Well you said que se la viste. I'm just wondering who."

"Oh wow..."

Priceless. No need for explanations.

So What Am I?

STOP THE PRESSES!!!! THE ZODIAC SIGNS HAVE CHANGED??!!!

I've been living under a rock recently but I heard that zodiac signs had shifted or changed or something of the kind. Spacebook has been going postal with sobbing statuses of "How can I possibly be a Taurus now?" and "I'm not an Aquarius, I've always been an Aries!!" According to the 'old' zodiac signs, I was a Libra.

     
     Libra: easygoing, sociable, romantic, diplomatic, peaceable, gullible, flirtatious, and indecisive

To be honest, every morning I read my horoscope not so much to see how my day will go, but just for kicks. I find it funny to see what people will fall for. Sure, looking at these characteristics, a couple fit my personality but then again, a bunch of characteristics do. But now that the signs have changed, my 'new' sign would be Virgo.

     Virgo: compassionate, devoted, imaginative, accepting, indecisive, lazy, escapist, and oversensitive

Now this here sounds like me too. I don't really see the difference but I'd rather be a Virgo since it doesn't involve all that romantic crap that Libra has. Still, I read an article that explained that the signs had not changed at all. Good thing cuz it means that I won't look so dumb having my Libra sign tattoo. Whew, I dodged a bullet.

My Acquaintance

“A woman who can't forgive should never have more than a nodding acquaintance with a man”

I recently had dinner with an acquaintance of mine. I brought up the issue that I was having difficulty coming up with material for this here blog of mine. He immediately perked up and said "Write about me!" I looked at him and gave a blunt "No." He smiled and said "Why not? You should." I again rejected such an idea and turned the conversation to another topic. We parted ways after dinner and while I was roaming the streets of Laredo on that cold night, I was trying to think about stuff to write about and my mind went back to the topic offered by my acquaintance. As much as I tried to conjure up other ideas, I just couldn't do it and so here is my entry about my dear ol' acquaintance.

Daily Living-Part 3

"You're like an M&M."

I looked at him and asked, "How in the world am I like an M&M?"

He smiles and says, "You're hard on the outside but soft on the inside."

"You're so stupid."

He laughs and adds, "But you're the kind with nuts."


The biggest compliment I've received in my life.

The Acres

The year was 1991. My youngest brother was a year old. We were still living on Flores street in a home that to this day I still have dreams of. Why my father ever tore down that house on Flores to make apartments, I will never understand. There's a deep, throbbing pain knowing that I can't even drive by the house to remember the fun times my siblings and I had. Anyways, that's another issue altogether. What I want to focus on now is this here little house on the out skirts of Laredo. At some point, this was my father's pride and joy. He, along with another man, built this house with their own hands. They didn't get any help from anyone else and they did it during the summer. Can you imagine? Summer out in the desert? Yea, my father bragged about the days he spent tolling out in the sweltering heat to built this here house. The funny thing is, we never even lived in it. This was our 'weekend' home. I guess it was as luxurious as we could get, or as much as our father would allow us. As kids, we spent many a weekend there. We saw it as an absolute bore because we didn't have TV, phones, or worse AC. Lack of the AC alone made us beg and cry for our parents to leave us at home. Those tears and whiny cries fell on deaf ears; we were always made to go. Now as adults, we appreciate what my father was trying to do for his children. He set aside 20 acres of land for us somewhere in this world. Unfortunately, with life being so hectic, we don't find the time too often to go and spent time at the 'family ranch' but we know that it's there. Recently we went and gave the good ol' house a visit. Fun times. I wish it was '91 again and my parents still had to drag us everywhere. Damn.

Post Holiday Realizations

Now that things have settled down a little bit, I sit here with my tea and my thoughts looking back at the season that just flew by. It all happened so darn fast, it was hard to take it all in. It was even harder to appreciate it all. So, I'm going to take a couple of minutes and look back at the holiday season of 2010. I learned a couple of things.

1. My dad was on to something with his 'less is more' rant.
    I came upon this understanding as I stood outside tearing up all the cardboard boxed that had contained my daughter's gifts. There were a billion of them. after she had opened up her fifth gift, it got kinda boring seeing her open yet another and then another gift. At last count, from uncles, aunts, grandparents, her father, and Santa (me) she ended up with eighteen gifts. Eighteen. The most I ever received when I was a little girl was four, and that was my having been an extremely good girl that year. I guess my dad's right: I got caught up with the whole season of gift buying. Tie that in with a bit of guilt, what with her father not being around, and I ended with a truckload of toys that I will eventually end up throwing out. Evidence being that the threat of throwing away her toys doesn't even phase her. She'll shrug and say "it's okay". What! So I learned that less really is more and that in order to appreciate what it is that you have, you have to have less of it. Next year, I won't make the same mistake again. The limit will be three, I don't care how much of a good girl she is.

2. New Year's resolutions are for the birds.
    For the past couple of years, since I understood the concept of resolutions, I've been coming up with a list of hard-thought-out goals. Come February and I won't even remember what was on the list. In reality, if I really wanted to make a change, I should've just come out and done it the day I thought of making a change. If I were to wait until the 'new year' to make a change, then that would just give me license to misbehave all that time until then. Right? Changes can be made everyday, it's just a question of how much do you really want to do it. That's why, for this new year, I didn't come up with any. I'm going to live life the way it should be lived: to the fullest. Sure, the new year constitutes a new beginning for all, I agree, but not when it comes to resolutions. Then again, this is really just my opinion.

Let Me Explain:

I don't make excuses for the way I think or the way I express myself...but I will excuse myself as to why I write ridiculously long entries. I had a very easy time writing papers in school due to the fact that I never really learned when to stop writing. Short entries make sense, I understand no one has hours to read a blog (we all have better things to do) BUT my pieces capture exactly what it is that I want to express at this very moment and they don't even take an hour to dish out. And as a secret between me and you, some of these are written at work after I'm done with all my duties. I swear I'm an excellent employee, it's just that sometimes I have to capture my thoughts before they escape. So anyways, before I start rambling again, my pieces serve a purpose; if not to entertain you, it's my form of therapy...it's cheaper than visiting a therapist, I can tell you that much.

No reason for pic of horses. They're just so pretty...

Oh Danny Boy



Good times with the family at Danny's.

 Danny's Restaurant...good food, good company, good fun. I know that's not their slogan, I honestly dunno what is but I do know one thing: Danny's is big in my family.

I'm not even kidding. My family and I have been eating at Danny's since back when my little brother was in still in diapers, that's been about eighteen years now. Seriously, I'm not even exaggerating. I can't say I've eaten at every Danny's in Laredo (it's constantly growing and I can't keep track of the new places) but there's one I frequent on a weekly basis. The one on San Bernardo has been my family's choice of eatery since back in the day when it was still located where La Roca is now (okay, I know it's not that long ago but it seems like a long time to me).

Recent Visitor

There are some moments when it feels like it'd be so much easier to not care and just give in. It'd be nice to close my eyes again and just go with the flow. It's something I've done before but it didn't turn out so well last time. The past came to visit a couple of days ago. I had been pretty consistent with keeping it at bay but this time it wasn't all that easy. I gave in. I gave in willingly; it just felt natural...I had done it so many times before. While in the throes of that flashback, life didn't seem so hard. Time had significance again. I gripped it as hard as I possibly could, thoroughly enjoying the feel of security in my hands. But alas, time is very cruel and it finished, just like it always had. As I let go of the vise grip I had on that piece of my past, I realized that it just wouldn't fit in my present life. I was not willing to make the effort to do so. I can't say it wasn't hard to say goodbye again. It hurt. It made me feel guilty. But I was stronger than I was the first time around. I found that I wasn't the same. It's so ridiculous how much I've been tested and tempted but I've gotten through them pretty well. I can say this though, I look forward to when the past revisits. I'll welcome it with open arms...it was a nice ride.

December 24, 2004

****While having our weekly family powwow in the kitchen of my dad’s house, he brought out this priceless piece of writing. I didn’t even know it existed. It was his recount of that enchanted Christmas eve back in 2004. While I read it aloud for my brothers, their girlfriends, the close family friend, and my dad to hear you could feel the intense feeling of longing and sadness that this story conjured up. My parents are now divorced, my brother is currently living in another state, and life is not as kind as it was before; but in our melancholy state we found what has kept us strong through our trials and tribulations: the fact that family is our priority. As long as we have that, the obstacles life has in store for us cannot and will not do much damage.

P.S. I love it how my dad referred to my brothers and me as ‘kids’. In 2004 I was already 22, my oldest brother was 20, my other brother was 18, and the baby of the family was 14. No longer were we kids but since we were never really a rebellious bunch, I guess he still felt comfortable with seeing us as ‘kids’…he’s a special man, my father, he really is. Enjoy.****

     It was a Friday morning. I woke up with the thought of having to go to HEB to buy the things we were going to need for our annual Christmas Eve gathering at my mother’s house that night. We also planned on going to the acres to bring pieces of wood to burn while we made the carne asada and the kids lit their fireworks.

     Every year since our kids were born, we have gathered, along with my sister and brothers’ families, at my mother’s house for Christmas and New Year Eve. On Thursday afternoon we had gone to the fireworks stand on highway 59 to buy the fireworks that the kids were to light up on these nights. This is a family tradition that we have done every year. The fireworks purchased usually consisted of ground bloomers, satellites, morning glories, jumping jacks, roman candles, smoke balls, sparklers, and bottle rockets. This year, however, my sons had purchased some powerful fireworks. The kind that go up and explode with a loud boom and light up the sky with beautiful patterns of color such as the ones seen at a Fourth of July fireworks display.

     Around 11:00am, my wife and I went to the HEB Mercado to buy all the stuff needed for the gathering. We arrived home around noon and told the kids that all of us were going to the acres to bring wood. The acres are located outside the city limits on Highway 59. The kids, my daughter and two sons, were not too enthused on going to the acres, but we told them that everyone had to go. Our other son and his girlfriend were working at the time at Lin’s.

     As we headed off to the acres, we were listening to the radio. It was around 35 degrees and the weather forecast had indicated a slight chance of precipitation in the form of sleet or flurries. We were excited with the mere fact that it was in the forecast but our hope of seeing any of it was not very high. It was at the intersection of Highway 59 and Loop 20 (Bob Bullock Blvd), where we caught our first glimpse of snow flurries. We were waiting for the traffic light to change, when a dark colored car turned in front of us. You could see the small pellets of snow falling against the car’s rear window.

A Year's Journey

It’s been one helluva year. I think this was the year I finally became an adult. December 18, 2009 I started to live the life I should’ve always been living.

It was a rainy, gloomy Friday and I hadn’t slept well through the night. I had an idea of what the day was going to bring and I wasn’t all too sure I was going to be able to get through it. I got up to go to the restroom and my husband had asked me if I was going to be going to work today. I had taken two days off from work saying I had too many annual leave hours that I needed to use them before I lost them. That was a big lie because I had already turned in my letter of resignation a month ago, and my last official day had been on Tuesday. I told him I wasn’t going to go in that day either and he immediately knew something was up. He asked me what was going on and I didn’t know how to tell him what I was going to be doing but I was finally able to spit it out “I’m leaving. I’m going back home.” At first, he looked at me like I was crazy and asked me to repeat what I had said, so there I went again “I’m leaving you. I’m going back home. My dad is going to be picking me up at 10am.” And that’s where he reacted. He asked me if I was crazy, why was I doing this, did I realize that if I left that would definitely be the end of us, how could I not tell him, why was I taking away his daughter…the questions were endless. I just stood there, looking at him, gauging his reaction, thinking about whether my dad was finally going to see me with a busted lip or bruised eye (I had done a pretty good job of hiding them before). It didn’t happen. My husband got up from the bed, started getting dressed because he was going to be going to work (which he hadn’t done in months). Meanwhile he was crying and telling me to give him another chance. He asked me to think things through. He promised me that things would be different and that he was going to work on it. He begged me to not leave him alone and take his little girl away. All the while, I was standing at the foot of the bed, not able to even muster up a tear or two. I didn’t feel anything. I was completely hollow and literally blank. I explained to him that I had no job, I had already told all my family that I was leaving him, and my father was already on his way to go and pick me up. There was nothing else I could do.

I Surrender

     Life made sense today. While on my weekly drive to Freer, I had an epiphany of sorts. It's not too often when I have moments like that, but I was granted one today.
     Driving, as with writing and reading, is my escape. I love to drive. It doesn't matter whether it be within city limits or to other cities or states, I love to do it. While driving, I get to take a breather and reconnect with things I lost touch with a long time ago. On these trips, music is my only companion. It's way better than actually having a person with me. Usually they're either complaining about  my driving or trying to make small talk and I can't really focus on two things. It's either get to my destination or make intelligent conversation and I'm a fan of getting there in one piece.
     My moment this morning, came when I least expected it. I put in a CD that I hadn't listened to in a long time. I kinda avoided it, knowing certain memories were tied to it. I decided the time had come to finally face them head-on. Instead of being filled with longing and sadness, I was surprised to find that only relief and comfort were present. It was one of those moments where everything is crystal clear. Where you wanna embrace the feeling tightly, because you know it's not gonna hang around for too long. I actually wanted to cry. It's been a long time since I've cried, not necessarily because I've avoided it, but because I hadn't actually felt the want/need to do it. I didn't end up shedding a tear but my eyes did get watery...I guess that's progress.
     I realized that I am where I'm supposed to be. The situations that I've gone through, the lessons I've learned, the steps I've taken: they've all lead me to where I am now. It's a year. I MADE IT A YEAR. So, the final piece of the puzzle was put in its place today. It feels like I shed my shriveled, tired, dead skin on that highway this morning. I left the old me behind with the cacti and tumbleweeds; I let go of that burden I carried these past 365 days. The walls and barriers that were put in place for self-preservation came crashing down while on my journey to my destination. It was definitely a good morning. Life is good. 


*I know it must be annoying already, who cares about the year. Everyone goes through their own situations and face their own demons. The time has come for me to finally face and fight mine. Nothing is simple so I know hitting the year marker isn't going to be my only obstacle in life, but I see that while there will always be hardships, one should never shut down and turn a blind eye to the situation. I have started the healing process. Yay.

Daily Living-Part 2

"It'll be a year next Saturday."
She nods, "You made it, you're definitely out of that."


Yes I am. I did make it. I'm still standing.