Morning Truths

After hearing it over and over, from a variety of people, it still hadn't really clicked in her head. She still couldn't make herself accept the truth. It was a difficult pill to swallow. She had been used. There hadn't ever been a need for her but for his sheer enjoyment. How was she supposed to deal with that grain of reality? She wasn't doing such a good job.

She sat down at the edge of her bed, her head in her hands, lightly tugging at her hair...when all she really wanted to do was pull it all out. She wasn't going to lose it. She was doing just fine. That's what kept repeating in her head over and over again. 'I'm fine. I'm okay. I'm gonna get through this.' Somehow, the words didn't break past her haze of oblivion. How could this have happened...again?!

He had seemed nice. He had come off as normal. Her hope, and intense need for human contact, had immediately come to surface when he came into the picture. See, not all guys were the same. There were some that were actually decent; they saw her as a person instead of an overeager puppy dog. He's gonna respect her, for sure. He wasn't capable of hurting her. She had been wrong. So, so, so, so, very wrong. Again. She had been used again. It was like starting over from square one. Again.

It was all her fault. She had been too eager to please. The past had dealt her some harsh realities and she was so ready to find a ray of sunshine. Those still existed, right? She ran into him and saw potential; in him she saw a difference from what she had found in the other one. She had been wrong. She gave in too easy. She jumped whenever he snapped his fingers. She agreed even when the voice inside her head screamed otherwise. She accepted things she'd never have gone for before, or ever would. She did it all, while wearing her heart on her sleeve, hoping that this time around, it would be different. It was all the same.

To give him credit, it had started off differently. Their connection had held a different scent from the other one. In the end, which was what mattered the most, it all turned out to be the same. She had been discarded, categorized as 'for a good time' and wasn't given priority over anything. When he'd get bored, she'd be the one he looked for. When he got needy, she's the one he turned to for reassurance. When he needed something, she was the one he could depend on. Meanwhile she was doing it with all the right intentions, he was selfishly setting out to fulfill his. The same thing, yet again.

She felt the tears start caressing her cheeks, as the humiliation and pain started to tumble out. How could she have been so stupid? Hadn't she learned anything? Why couldn't she have seen what everyone else could clearly see? All these questions popped up and stabbed her while she crumbled onto her bed as the waves of self-pity rolled over her.

As with every severe rainstorm, in the end, the sun comes out again. Again, just like it's been doing forever. She slowly made herself sit up. She looked across the room at the mirror on her wall. Remember this feeling. Remember what happened. Once should have been enough; twice better be the limit. She wasn't going to be anyone's toy anymore. What happened to her self-worth? Was she worth this? Was it worth her shedding tears for someone who didn't even know what, or how, she felt? Did she deserve this shit? 'Take this as a lesson learned, hun, it sure better not happen again'...and she stood up to dress for the day.

Life goes on. It's too short to spend it on people who aren't worth it. It's also too short to spend it playing games. Self-worth is too precious of a thing to cast aside for anyone. Chalk it up to insanity. Lesson learned.

Sunday Morning

Buenos Dias Gente!!!!!

Hope everyone makes the best of what's left of the weekend. There's a lot of things that can be done: hit the pulgas when the going is still good, the mandatory Sunday afternoon carñita, take the kiddos to the carnival on San Bernardo, catch the Cowboys' pathetic attempt at winning, or watch the Rangers game... With so much to do, whoever said Laredo was boring?!

For now, I leave you with this beautiful pic of my daughter's pancake. If only all my cooking skills were as golden.

Oh and here's a pic a friend of mine sent. Need I say more?

Change of Plans

I had plans for my Saturday. I was gonna catch the Rangers game with a couple of friends at a local hangout joint, and end the night on a good note. Well, apparently I had forgotten about one very important event: my brother's wrestling match. 

See, one of my brothers wrestles with the Laredo Wrestling Alliance (LWA). He's been doing it for a while and it's one of his biggest passions. So when I received his text Saturday morning telling me about his match, I had to switch my plans around in order to go and support him. 

I wonder what it feels like to be in there......

My brother has always been a huge wrestling fan. I mean, HUGE. When we were younger, he would practice his special moves on my teddy bears. Most of my bears didn't have their beady eyes cuz of him. There was the time when he was wrestling with my other brother on my parents' brand-new bed. They ended up breaking one of the beams....it wasn't so new anymore. When he got a little older, say high school, he and a couple of friends would get together and wrestle. He videotaped a whole bunch of those matches and they would do some pretty crazy stuff. They jumped off balconies, off ladders, body slam each other onto mattresses, practice their entrances, figure out their character 'look'....they were a dedicated bunch. 

My father always hoped he was going through a phase. I'm sure Dad freaked out when even I was following that Monday night wrestling show. Yes, there was a point when I figured it'd be easier to join my brothers in their TV viewing than argue with them about changing the channel. I have to admit, the wrestling matches were entertaining, the story plots were hilarious, and seeing my brothers focus on something for three hours was amazing. My wrestling brother would dye his hair different colors, he'd grow it out super long, he bought most of his clothes at Hot Topic, he'd work out to make sure his body was in tip-top shape; my brother had his heart set on being a wrestler. Then, slowly but surely, reality set in and he knew he should start focusing on a career. Not to say he couldn't be a wrestler, but it was a dream that was gonna take a huge amount of time and effort....two things he couldn't really afford. So my brother ended up tucking away his dreams of wrestling. 

Well, one day I was checking out Facebook, and some friends had started posting about this wrestling alliance in Laredo. I asked my brother whether he had heard about it, figuring he must already know. He said he didn't and I thought he had left it at that. Nope. Next thing I know, he had already gotten in contact with someone who knew someone and Abra-cadabra....he was in the alliance. Dad wasn't all that happy but was supportive either way. 

I hadn't been able to see him wrestle, due to other insignificant happenings in my life, so Saturday was his night. Sure, I was still checking in on the Rangers score on my phone, but I finally got to see him wrestle. My daughter also got a kick outta seeing him in the ring. She was cheering for him, telling him to get up, even explaining to people that his real name wasn't his stage name. 

1st match: Rudy vs Freak....neither of which are my brothers

I love my brothers dearly, and watching them achieve goals that they've always wanted to pursue gives me a huge sense of pride. Seeing him wrestle was such an awesome experience. I wanted to let everyone know that I was that wrestler's sister. I'll probably get a shirt made, like back when my brothers were in little league; I had a shirt that read F****'s & A****'s Sister. 

From now on,  his matches will be taking priority over everything else. My daughter started asking when she was gonna get to see  her tio 'fight' again. Next event will be held in Zapata in two weeks. It's gonna be a traveling day for the clan. 

I'm looking forward to it....since the world series will be done and over with by then. Which, by the way, will be including the Rangers! Yes, I did get to see the end of the game. Go, Rangers, Go!!!!! 

And if you haven't attended a LWA event, make the time and effort to go and check one out. It's cheap (five bucks), it's fun, and you're supporting local talent. Big thumbs up to the LWA!!

My Blogging Corner

All bloggers have their special place where they like to sit and ponder as to what they're going to share with the world. Some do it in fancy-schmancy places like Mr. BTB at Starbucks. Others might do it at home, while in their chones, awaiting for the morning coffee to brew. I do it late at night, while reruns of Wings play endlessly in the background and my lil girl is snoring away in her room. But that's not where I come up with my ideas. Oh no. I come up with those elsewhere. In a far off place, away from the beaten path.

There's a variety of reasons why I choose this special hole in the wall. I'll find someway to entertain my daughter while I take out my pen and paper and start writing...yea, I go all old school with my brainstorming.

I don't have to wait long before the words start pouring "from my penny pencil with such feverish fluidity."

Tortillas and the Rangers

Due to the hustle and bustle of the week, I have not only neglected my blog, but I have failed to make my weekly batch of homemade tortillas! Oh the horror of it all. Yes, I am ashamed to admit that my daughter has had to eat tortillas bought from the store. No wonder children are having the problems they're facing nowadays. Darn those long work hours and those freakishly long, suspense ridden, Rangers games!

What? You find it hard to believe that I can make homemade tortillas? Well, I'm sure you wouldn't be the first to think such a thing. Even my own mom wouldn't think I'd be possible of perfecting the tortilla mixture. Of course, my tortillas come out looking more like countries instead of the perfect circles Mom makes, but the taste is the same. Mine are unique....at least that's what I tell my daughter whenever she asks about the shape.

Since I haven't made tortillas lately, I've resorted to buying a package of those ready-to-cook fake tortillas from the tienda. I'm sure each person has their own favorite brand but I tend to go for La Exquisita. The name just sounds so delicate, so sweet. Aside from that, their catch phrase is awesome: Just like Mama Makes. Of course, it's a lie cuz my mama's taste waaaaay better, but for store bought, these are of superior quality.

mi manita, doing a very bad impression of DeLaredo's hairy hand, at a Rangers' game this past summer

Nimodo, that's what I get for jumping on the Rangers' bandwagon. I fully accept the fact that I haven't been a Rangers fan since birth. My dad's not much of a fan now, but he appreciates the game and does tune in every once in a while. He even got to see a couple of games pitched by Nolan Ryan. He bought us those pennant fan things, which my brothers had in their rooms forever. But for me, I've been a closet fan for a while. This past summer, after attending a couple of games, I became a bona fide Rangers fan. Good thing I was able to get a good seat on that darn wagon, otherwise I'm sure I would've gotten run over.

It's gonna be a sports filled weekend for me. Rangers play later on today and I'm praying they win it. There's no need to get to a game 7. As it is, I had secretly wished they wouldn't win game 6 so I could get to watch them play. I mean, who in the world comes up with a 3:19pm game time?! Don't they know people work? I tried to DVR the last game but there was no point in that since I continually checked the status of the game on my phone. Well, at least I got my wish, now I'm just hoping they win. Otherwise I'm sure I'm in for a scolding from those hardcore Rangers fans.

Ah, and my dear ol' Cowboys play Sunday against the Patriots. Oh well. The Patriots. Brady has been having a stellar year, as always, but I have faith in my 'boys. I have faith that they'll screw it up and probably lose....but I'm still gonna catch the game and cheer and boo at all the right times. I'm even gonna secretly hope they win. Hey, weirder things have happened.    
                                                                                         

                           

Oh, and I know someone's probably spotted these items, but Wal-Mart's provided me with some pretty cool pics. Does the Cowboys' franchise really support these things? Tackle Towels? They're regular plain, crummy paper towels which just happen to have a Cowboys football player on the packaging. Take off the player and you'll have the regular generic brand for $.75, instead of the $1.25 for Tackle Towels. And if you've ever wanted to grill like a Cowboy, they have their official briquets on sale. Grilling Cowboys Style. Hmm, first off, I hardly believe the Cowboys would use these briquets. Second, I'm sure they'd hire cooks and chefs to do the grilling for them. But if anyone's actually bought and used this carbon, let us know how it went. Did it really taste like the Cowboys style?

We'll be waiting with bated breath on the consumer report.  

In My Head

Currently on repeat:

Up, down, turn around
Please don't let me hit the ground
Tonight I think I'll walk alone
I'll find my soul as I go home

Each way I turn, I know I'll always try
To break this circle that has been placed around me
From time to time, I find I've lost some need
That was so urgent to myself, I do believe

Catchy tune with some cool lyrics.

Birthdays, Super S, and Cowboys

A couple of weeks ago, my brother and I celebrated birthdays. Since our special days were during the week, we got together during the weekend to hang out and celebrate the fact that we're getting closer and closer to the dreaded 3-0. Of course, I'm gonna get there first, but that's not the point here. 

Since my lil brother lives in San Antonio, he says he's yet to find a bakery that serves pan dulce like the one from his favorite Laredo panaderia, El Mejor Pan. Btw, if you go over to San Anto looking for pan dulce, they won't know what you're talking about. You have to ask for it by it's politically correct name: Hispanic bread. I'm not kidding; it happened to my dad on one of his visits up North. He even laughed in the lady's face but that's what pan dulce is in San Antonio....Hispanic bread.

Anyways, since my lil brother was visiting, I decided to go and buy him some pan dulce and get him some chocolate milk. I thought about buying a small bottle of chocolate milk but knowing my daughter, she was gonna want some too and then they'd both end up fighting for it. I was forced to make a pit-stop at my local Super S since it was the store closest to me...I didn't go there by choice, believe me. 

Super S is affectionately known, in my family, as the Stupid S due to a variety of incidents that have transpired with the employees and customers of that market place. But we continue to go cuz we think it's gonna be more convenient instead of heading to H-E-B. Often times, though, we get outta there wishing we had done just that. 

So, I was looking for the cheapest gallon of chocolate milk. I can't stand chocolate so I wasn't being all too picky about the name brand or taste. As long as it wasn't expired, it was more than okay with me. I ended up buying this particular gallon just cuz of the name:

Chocolate Flavored Drink....not milk...

Choco Dream...it sounds fun, catchy, something that probably won't give you diarrhea. I dunno, my brother and lil girl seemed to like it. And it was pretty cheap considering that most of the prices at Super S are astronomically high. Of course, most customers there have the magic card and don't really worry about prices. As for me, I don't get to join the magic-card-club so Choco Dream had to do. 

Super S still smells like it did when I was a kid. Oh, and they have an excellent assortment of beer...well if you like that sorta thing. Go support your local Super S today!

All in all, my brother and I spent our birthdays with the family so we had a great time. Even if the Cowboys did lose, at least we saw them lose together. Y eso que a whole bunch of us bought Cowboy t-shirts just for the occasion. Even my nephew got into the spirit of things:

Cowboys-fans-in-training

It's really a win-win situation when the whole family gets together. Gracias a Dios for another year. 

Indisposed Santa

I love holiday decorations but there are some I don't quite understand.

I was at Wal-Mart a couple of days ago and my daughter was fascinated by these huge inflatable displays depicting Christmas symbols. She was already pointing out the ones she wanted me to buy: Frosty the Snowman, a Christmas tree, Rudolph, and even some elves. I was looking at the displays, trying to figure out a way to explain to my lil girl that we couldn't possibly have a decoration that big at our apartment complex, when my eyes fell upon a rather unique display.....

Again I thought my eyes were deceiving me and so I stood there making sure I was seeing the display correctly. Yup, I was definitely right:

                             

Uh-huh, it's Santa in an outhouse. He has the toliet paper waiting for him and everything. I dunno....I don't remember anything like that when I was a kid. Sure I've seen Santa stuck in the chimney, seen him asleep, but never seen this side of him. It's understandable, he's human and has needs but....really? Does he have to be depicted like that! 

And, of course, that's the one my lil girl asked for since it had more movement than the other displays. I ended up making our landlord the bad guy for not allowing me to buy it. 

Wait till I show my dad what they're selling now. He'll for sure embrace his 'Bah Humbug' mentality a lil tighter. From the looks of it, he just might be on to something. 

Sis Boom Blah!

It's been a while since I last checked in. I guess that last Cowboys loss really did me in....nah, I'm kidding. Work really kicked my butt this week and apparently there's a stomach virus going around that turned my normally cheery, hyper lil girl to the demon from The Exorcist (the puking one only...not the scary head-turning one). But I have managed to keep my sense of humor about everything, especially when my mom has her own sick sense of humor. Here's a picture message she sent me recently....

it had to be Romo, quien mas!

Gosh, she really knows how to hit where it hurts. She's never been a Dallas fan, much to the chagrin of my father and brothers. She even called me after sending it just to make sure I did receive it. Te digo....and they're off this Sunday which sucks even more. 

BUT, at least the Rangers are playing and they're doing even better than the Cowboys. Yes, I understand some hardcore Ranger fans might be offended that I'm comparing the two pero me vale! I've bought merchandise for both teams so I can do as I wish. 

GOOOO RANGERS!!